(This is an incredibly long post, something very filled with emotion, so if you do not want to read this please just skip it entirely!)
This year, the title "Thanksgiving" has taken on a whole new meaning for today's holiday...
When my husband and I were married, like most everyone else I married a man with an interesting family full of different dynamics and characteristics....and characters, many of whom I had admired for years (since we both graduated from the same high schools, I had gotten to know them in varying degrees and in different ways as some of them we went to school with as well). One in particular was his step-mother's mom, who had just enfolded the 2 additional grandchildren that were added to the family when my husband's parents were married. This was something that pretty much the entire family proceeded to do, following her lead, and then extended to include me.
After our wedding, we have always lived far enough away that our extremely limited budget did not allow for visits to see this amazing woman we have all called Grandma. In spite of that, she never stopped sending little things during holidays and such to remind us that she was thinking of us as well as messages relayed through the other family members. I'll be the first one to admit (and you only have to look at how infrequently I post in this blog to know this for a fact) that I am horrible at maintaining long-distance communications, but still the holiday gifts and words of love would come for us and then for our children. Even more striking to me was the kind of impact that her gestures would have on her family members (even the ones not directly on the receiving end), regardless of circumstances.
A few years ago, this incredible woman was diagnosed with a degenerative disease a great deal like Alzheimer's (the technical name escapes me at the moment), but instead of attacking the brain's memory center this attacks the brain's communication center. As time has gone by, she has always remained very logical and precise...but her ability to communicate with those around her and to understand what others try to communicate with her has little by little disintegrated. About a year ago, she reached a point where if she was thinking about you and wanted to convey it she would dial your phone number....and then listen silently to the voices on the other end for a time before simply hanging up. But she would still do this, even for people like myself who she didn't know very well...because she still loves, regardless of how much communication there was left, and was determined to share that.
I know this is sad to hear about, and terrifying to imagine yourself going through it. It has been an extraordinarily difficult thing for her family to go through with her...but that has been the kind of love they have shown for her. At one point, she did move into a kind of nursing home for a time....but then she decided that she wanted to be home when things got worse. So, loving children that they are, they moved her home to where she wished to be and then made arrangements so that one of her children was there 24/7 to help take care of everything.
Last week, this sweet woman took a turn for the worse. She developed pneumonia, and hospice was called in. But she had done her best to try and bring her entire family together for the Thanksgiving holiday, and they have taken it to heart. We finally managed to find a way to get even my husband down to be with them all (though the kids and I had to stay here), and since yesterday they have been gathering.
Now this family is not exactly a peacefully co-existing family under incredibly good times (all those characters rubbing elbows sometimes slip and elbows are painful when they fly), and they have their own special dynamics. But the interesting and remarkable thing to me has been watching them cope with each other and the situation....and continuing to be there regardless of bruised feelings or sore elbows. Even this sweet woman's ex-husband is there with her, intensely holding her hand now that that is the only way of communicating that you are there which is recognized. And they have continued to gather: children, spouses, grandchildren, boyfriends/girlfriends, step-children (some who barely knew her) and their children, and so on.
Today is Thanksgiving....and so, we are all in our various places, waiting to hear the sad news that one so overflowing with love has gone while life moves on around us with feasting, family, and fun. Yet the love of this woman is still reaching out even beyond just the family that has gathered and beyond her now non-existent ability to personally communicate it. As I have been watching from afar, I have seen words of love for the family and particularly her begin to pour out in waves of encouragement and support, and with a great many memories being shared of funny, sad, frustrating, sweet, or painful moments when she was still reaching out to give that same love to every person who would let her.
So when I say that "this year Thanksgiving has taken on a new meaning for me" I am referring to the kind of love that has suddenly begun to shine and illuminate even some of the darkest corners of my heart (the ones everyone struggles with when they feel discouraged or hopeless). Because this year, I am seeing the powerful, crashing love that I have been so incredibly blessed with in my life...and in the lives of my husband and children. And I am giving thanks with a full heart and eyes brimming over, because while we may not have much in eyes of some....we have an incredibly intense connection with God and family, and what could a person ever truly need more?
