For those of you who don't want to hear my religious or philosophical meanderings, this may be a post which you'll want to skip. If you don't mind dealing with my messy head then read on...but don't say I didn't warn you!
Well, March is definitely picking up the pace around my house...literally at the moment. With the wind blowing and gusting past the windows and raising drafts it is starting to get cold again, but instead of snow we are still getting rain (knock on wood) which means that my "chaos season" is about to pounce. Along with the wind blowing, the stress has been building. Especially for my family, at this time of year we have everything from birthday parties and dinners to attend, slumber parties to plan (and survive!), church activities to participate in, work schedules picking up pace, orders starting to come in, charity efforts to kick into high gear...all on top of a messy house begging and pleading for a good de-cluttering, a budget crying for a successful yard sale, a garden that needs preparing for, and all the other regular mumbo-jumbo (cooking, cleaning, laundering, bandaging, homework...).
And then the unthinkably wonderful thing happened: we got the call from a friend of ours that they needed someone to do the food for their wedding because the caterer they had been planning on hiring was taken out for medical reasons. Well, since I had volunteered to help earlier and because we haven't turned down anyone's need for help at a wedding yet...and they were even wonderful enough about making sure that their menu choices would be simple for us to do. So like an idiot, I said no problem. All without checking on my calendar that said what rotten timing it was considering we had a 10 yr old's slumber party planned 3 days before the wedding and a craft boutique for the weekend after. Brilliant of me, wouldn't you say?
So here I was, the day of the wedding and after the weekend spent with 4 giggling, sleep deprived ten year olds, 3 neglected little boys, a house full of half finished projects and to-do lists, and a husband about to kill me from getting him involved in so much at once. It was an interesting place to be, that was for sure...and it got me to thinking the age old question: "What ever made me think I could pull this one off?!" (Ok, there really is a point to my whining into the internet space otherwise known as "The Void")
That was my lowest point for the week. I still ache a little from the feelings of being overwhelmed, of failure, and nearly despair that began to wash over me like a never ending tide with manacles. Later that night as I lay down next to my husband and reviewed my day, I realized I had made a huge mistake. One that did really over come all the rest. I had forgotten a very key thing that is the very core of me. It is something that the women of the LDS church (all women are included in this, but as it is coming from LDS church leaders) hear all the time: "You are an elect lady."
"An elect lady? ME?! Yeah, right!" was all I could respond with. As soon as I let myself think those words, the plethora of failures, of good intentions never reached, of duties and responsibilities not accomplished came crashing down over me like a wagon load of river rock bumping and tumbling down the hill. But then, with the tears still wet on my cheeks, came the other voice: "Yes, an elect lady who has been given talents, trust, love, knowledge, skills, gifts, and opportunities for growth...and who will continue to be given those things so that She will learn what an elect lady She is." Suddenly, the negative emotions weren't so much washing over all of me; but rather, they were quietly nibbling insistently on my toes. I drifted to sleep with that final phrase clutched close to my heart "She will learn what an elect lady She is", hoping I would figure out what had happened in the morning when I could see straight again.
The next day as I sat staring at my personal bedlam and tried to figure out where to even start, I remembered the previous night. Ever heard the hymn, "Count Your Many Blessings"? I guess you could say that was what I was asking myself. And realized suddenly that I really was blessed, even in the chaos and stress and failures. Because what I was seeing then as a problem was really just an opportunity and a challenge: to begin to recognize for myself what my blessings are through the events that were surrounding me and by prioritizing so that only the "best of things" was filling my days in ways that would show me what I have to give of worth. That the cranky, teething baby is fussing because I am adored and able to give comfort to those who are otherwise completely miserable and helpless. That I am strong enough to answer a friend in need and carry it out (be it in boxes, bags, bowls, or just my arms). That I am lucky enough to have the knowledge and skills necessary to make things that are beautiful enough not just for my own home but also that I can be proud to offer to others. And the faith enough to recognize that even at my most empty, dark moments when I am willing to allow myself to look to God with a quiet ear (rather than an open mouth, you did hear me whining?) He will show me His blessings and answers.
So I decided that I am going to do something at the end of each day: recognize the hardest thing I did that day to show myself that I am an elect lady. Without sarcasm, too. Easier said than done sometimes, I know, but don't you see? I am an elect lady, a daughter of a God, and one of the luckiest of ladies or commoners anywhere because of who and what I am. That I am just as worthy of finding for myself the ways to make me into that which is "of good report or praise worthy" as all the amazing men and women that I love and adore and look up to.
Having said all that, I'm sure I'm going to "fall off the bandwagon" a time or two...and probably end up with bruised hips for my efforts. Hey, we are all human right? Yet so long as I will look at my day and be willing to recognize at least one thing that God has given me the opportunity to start, work on, or finish which shows me that I can be an elect lady...well, then I'm at least getting a good start. And if I can do it, so can you!
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